There’s a story that has been twirling around inside my head for quite some time now, but it seems that every time I try to put the words to paper, the pieces come out all jumbled. It’s not until recently that I have begun making connections between components in my life, so perhaps that is why I hadn’t written it before. Lately, I’ve been getting subtle and not-so-subtle nudges from the Universe that it’s time to let it fly. This story is about my healing and my journey to finding my passion.
I’ve always been sensitive. It was a constant remark while growing up: “you’re too sensitive.” I was sensitive about emotions, but also physical things. My mom often recalls how painful it was to find me shoes. No shoes felt comfortable and the little seam on socks was the worst! I also remember once at my brother’s hearing exam, my mom said I surprised the doctor because I was telling him which audible beeps my brother missed, while sitting outside of the sound booth. I recall being so embarrassed about how I would cry gushing tears at the slightest thing and not be able to stop them from rolling out. My sensitivity often lead to overwhelm and anxiety, especially when there was a lot of stimuli in my environment.
When I was younger and even up until recently, many of my family members and close friends would lovingly tease me about being a hypochondriac. Ok, ok, I’ll admit I was a bit obsessed with analyzing my health and perhaps the health of others. I’ll admit that I would go down the Google rabbithole, and perhaps thought I was in a dire health situation a time or two (brain tumor? Aneurysm? Elephantiasis, maybe?). Ha!
What I’ve come to realize is that these characteristics were gifts in disguise. I was fearful about why my body was in pain because I felt disempowered. What I was really craving was not a diagnosis, but a solution. I wanted to feel good – who doesn’t!? These anxieties were unhealthy manifestations of what I would later recognize as my passion and life purpose.
You see, at the core of this fear and anxiety was a deep desire to understand the root causes of health-imbalances and disease, in myself and others, so that I could heal and help others do the same. Now that I have allowed myself to follow this passion, the fear around disease has dissolved into empowerment and curiosity around the discovery of health.
That sensitivity that caused shoe shopping to be such a chore is a gift because it gives me a keen awareness of subtle changes to my environment and to my body. This allows me to feel energies, see patterns, and understand how small changes affect the bigger system. When I tune in, I recognize a powerful intuition that helps me to sense when something is out of balance, notice a disconnect in a pattern, or feel the unique energies of plants. I can use my sensitivity and keen awareness of my body as information, feeling how everything that I put into it or expose it to effects me though subtle and dramatic changes in how I feel.
As I’ve risen from the ashes of my own health struggles, both mental and physical, I have found that I can now use my own experience as information and fuel to help others. When I was younger, I wanted to understand health, but I didn’t have any awareness that there was a career path which fits this skill set aside from maybe being a doctor. While I contemplated that career path for a moment, I knew that my soul would not be able to handle the sterile medical environment of hospitals and doctors offices on a daily basis. I didn’t know there was another option, which also incorporated my love of plants and joy of creativity. While healing myself, I discovered herbalism and continue becoming evermore entranced as I continue learning about plants, physiology, and health. It’s a profession that contains everything I love, but even more than that for me, it’s a life I love – one of connectedness, expansion, evolution, and so much joy!